you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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