you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
