Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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