ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My cat gives me a boner
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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