Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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