I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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