Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize