You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
