Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
