Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Im part way to drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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