I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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