if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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