well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
