dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i would punch a child for taco bell
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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