I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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