when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
