we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
