And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want a musical about memes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
