The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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