one two three fourrrrnication!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
