she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
