How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize