my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
