Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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