the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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