3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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