Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
