it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize