When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
