In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
