Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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