Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize