Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
