we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize