When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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