Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
