what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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