i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
