A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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