mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
