i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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