The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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