Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
