i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
