Rock
Scissors
Fuck
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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