k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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