ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
