I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ttyl tear gas
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
