I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
