Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
