I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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