Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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