They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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