Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm bleeding and have questions
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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