remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
