Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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