"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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