i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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