dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
