It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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