she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
