You made me cry and you don't even care
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize