She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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