hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
