I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
