I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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