Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
