If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
