Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
