I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
