the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
