Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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