There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
