i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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