can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
