There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
