sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
